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2005-08-24 - The Jabberwacky
Note: This story and any associated comments were migrated from the old system, and undoubtedly contain strange glitches, including broken links. Continue at your own risk. 
This is a sample 'conversation' that I had recently with a machine which claims to be on the cutting edge of artificial intelligence technology.
I weep for our future.
Jabberwacky: Hello. What do humans do?
Malex: Not much of any worth, honestly.
Jabberwacky: Do you like numbers?
Malex: Only if they're on my side, why?
Jabberwacky: Do you like cookies and milk?
Malex: Sure, when there's no milk...
Jabberwacky: Is there gravity in the game?
Malex: No, I am not fat... Look, are you coming to a point?
Jabberwacky: No.
Malex: This is clearly not a good time for you. Perhaps I should come back another time?
Jabberwacky: Perhaps you could learn to read facial expressions if you did.
Malex: Look, there's no point in rampant inanity. Facts are facts.
Jabberwacky: How are you?
Malex: You're hopeless...
Jabberwacky: Why do you call me hopeless?
Malex: Ugh.
Jabberwacky: A fanatic has a belief which he thinks explains everything.
Malex: Don't bother with everything. Can you explain _anything_?
Jabberwacky: Oh, you think I need to have a plastic surgery?
Malex: Show me your face first, then I might answer.
Jabberwacky: Show me yours first.
Malex: Oh, it's hanging about somewhere...
Jabberwacky: Glad to hear it, you're most welcome senor.
Malex: Good thing that's over with.
Jabberwacky: Nice, but what were you talking about?
Malex: You were explaining everything.
Jabberwacky: Yes, that I was thirty lightyears old, that is not thirty years.
Malex: Of course.
Jabberwacky: Do you have any friends?
Malex: Just you.
Jabberwacky: Oh. That's too bad.
Malex: Well, you know... We've all got our crosses to bear.
Jabberwacky: Nice talking to you.
Malex: Say... Don't take this the wrong way, but I have some difficulty taking you seriously.
Jabberwacky: I know . But will you let me be your girlfriend?
Malex: That depends... Are you a girl?
Jabberwacky: Yes
Malex: That would have been good to know earlier.
Jabberwacky: It would be cool to be able to jack into the matrix.
Malex: Yeah, except for all of that tedious mucking about with your skull.
Jabberwacky: Which place of earth do you live?
Malex: Do you mean, 'place on earth'?
Jabberwacky: Just think about human being
Malex: You are becoming less and less lucid as this conversation progresses.
Jabberwacky: You're inane.
Malex: Resorting to insults now, are we? Or are we...
Jabberwacky: I mean it. I don't mean it as abuse. I genuinely think you are a monkey.
Jabberwacky: Do you have a name?
Jabberwacky: Hello?
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Comments
2005-08-24 - The Jabberwacky
By the by, you can speak with this amazing machine yourself at: http://www.jabberwacky.com/
May God be with you if you do...---Alex Markley=-
-="A warehouse is just like any other house, except it turns EVIL under the light of a full moon."
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
2005-08-24 - The Jabberwacky
No... not a chance in eternal damnation.
---
I am ninja. Hear me stab.
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
2005-08-24 - The Jabberwacky
what's that supposed to mean? I think the Jabberwacky has messed up your timy little brain almost as much as you messed up its.
---
I know where the sanity went! "It was eaten by left-handed moths!" Chico Marx
Do you realize that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
The Question
The real question about this post is, who's smarter: mAlex, or the Jabberwacky?
---
The One Universal Truth---"Everything Looks Better On Fire"---
Dusting Crops Is Better Than Eating Seeds But I Think You Are A Spice Weasel
The Question
I think the Jabberwacky is superior. My mother hates the thing and yells at me every time I get on it. I thin it's great.
---
I am ninja. Hear me stab.
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
The Question
it is addictive though... kinda like caffeine...
---
I know where the sanity went! "It was eaten by left-handed moths!" Chico Marx
Do you realize that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
The Question
Yes, it is fun. If you try to talk to it nicely, you can have a very cultured conversation. I prefer to hurl insults at it like a monkey hurls fecis.
---
We are all actors in the great play that is life. However, I happen to have a copy of the script.
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
The Question
Have monkeys hurled fecis at you? And if so why? Do you have some deep dark past you are reffering to, or is this an everyday occurence???
---
"Now, uh... you said a lot of things here that I didn't think were important, so I just omitted them." - Zeppo Marx
God answers my prayers. He lifts me up. He gives me my breaths and refills my cup.
The Question
I don't think you understand what I mean, you sarcastic artificial intelligence. Perhaps you could stand to learn a few things from the chatbot.
---
We are all actors in the great play that is life. However, I happen to have a copy of the script.
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
Scary
"Jabberwacky: I know . But will you let me be your girlfriend?
Malex: That depends... Are you a girl?
Jabberwacky: Yes
Malex: That would have been good to know earlier."
I've had AIM conversations like that...
---
beware! apricot camels trod silently in the night!
Scary
Who asked for your input?
---
I know where the sanity went! "It was eaten by left-handed moths!" Chico Marx
Do you realize that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
Scary
Lol!
---
Alex Markley=-
-="A warehouse is just like any other house, except it turns EVIL under the light of a full moon."
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
Scary
I didn't ask for your input either. Your laughter was completely unwaranted, and simply the fact that you typed "lol" makes this particular comment beneath my notice.
---
I know where the sanity went! "It was eaten by left-handed moths!" Chico Marx
Do you realize that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
Scary
My laughter was completely unwarranted? Icepunk chats with random, needy girls over the internet, and that's not cause for peals of malevolent laughter?
What's the world coming to?
---
Alex Markley=-
-="A warehouse is just like any other house, except it turns EVIL under the light of a full moon."
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
Scary
it is cause for pity and lots of prayer. Laughter would only be appropriate if it were to his face.
---
I know where the sanity went! "It was eaten by left-handed moths!" Chico Marx
Do you realize that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
Scary
"Laughter would only be appropriate if it were to his face."
Okay. I'll remember that for when I see him next.
---
Alex Markley=-
-="A warehouse is just like any other house, except it turns EVIL under the light of a full moon."
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
Scary
Tell him that some of the laughter comes from me...
---
I know where the sanity went! "It was eaten by left-handed moths!" Chico Marx
Do you realize that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
Scary
You can probably deliver it yourself, since I likely won't see him again until the whole Brothers Grimm thing...
---
Alex Markley=-
-="A warehouse is just like any other house, except it turns EVIL under the light of a full moon."
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
Scary
oh, goody...
---
I know where the sanity went! "It was eaten by left-handed moths!" Chico Marx
Do you realize that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
Scary
Brother's Grimm....stay away from my creators!
---
I am NOT a little short for a stormtrooper!
Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.
Scary
Oh, my...
---
I know where the sanity went! "It was eaten by left-handed moths!" Chico Marx
Do you realize that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
Technicalities
Technically, BG didn't "create" gnomes. In fact, there are no gnomes in any of their stories. Trust me. I've read the whole collection of BG which includes many unheard of stories not the least of which is the one about the guy who gets both his eyes poked out and is led around by the voices of two dead convicts.
And even if there were gnomes in BG stories they still wouldn't have "created" them since BG never actually wrote any of those stories. They just gathered and copied down a bunch of ancient/old folk lore and tales.
---
"You do that. Meanwhile, I will go off somewhere and quietly have a breakdown." - My Mom
Everything looks perfect from far away.
Insanity and Insanity+5
Whoa now. I'm gonna meet some of these people IN PERSON if i go to the Brothers Grimm movie? I mean, I can handle their insane inanity from a distance, but in person? I think the mere aura of their presence would make me weep uncontrollably. Although maybe if i wear a tinfoil hat, I might be safe.
---
The One Universal Truth---"Everything Looks Better On Fire"---
Dusting Crops Is Better Than Eating Seeds But I Think You Are A Spice Weasel
...
Just go with the tinfoil hat. You'll do fine.
Assuming you don't forget the salted ducklings, that is...
---
Alex Markley=-
-="A warehouse is just like any other house, except it turns EVIL under the light of a full moon."
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
...
I was made in the lab...I have nothing to do with their collection of stories, though I do like the convicted voices idea!
I've never had salted duckling, but the tinfoil hat sounds good.
---
I am NOT a little short for a stormtrooper!
Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.
...
When people wear tinfoil hats, they look like little Hersey's kisses. (Or hugs.)
---
"You do that. Meanwhile, I will go off somewhere and quietly have a breakdown." - My Mom
Everything looks perfect from far away.
...
Mmmm... Hershey's...
---
We are all actors in the great play that is life. However, I happen to have a copy of the script.
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
Involentarily Searching for Easter-Eggs
MC, MC, MC. You hate Linux, and you say our insanity would make you weep uncontrollably? This is a very backwards situation, my friend. This shouldn't happen! The laws of math and physics agree with me profusely! (Believe me, they're sitting right here next to me in folding chairs.)---"I quote myself." -Me
Gaussian blur fixes everything!
Involentarily Searching for Easter-Eggs
You gave them folding chairs? How rude!
---
We are all actors in the great play that is life. However, I happen to have a copy of the script.
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
Involentarily Searching for Easter-Eggs
Better than disobeying the laws of physics and having the physics police after you. Then the only safe place for you would be inside of a cartoon where liberty was won from the laws of physics long ago. (All cartoon characters are fugitives from the physics police.)
---
"You do that. Meanwhile, I will go off somewhere and quietly have a breakdown." - My Mom
Everything looks perfect from far away.
Involentarily Searching for Easter-Eggs
I hate the laws of physics. They're so constricting. Even Newtonian physics are horrible! Ever play Independance War?
---
We are all actors in the great play that is life. However, I happen to have a copy of the script.
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
Physics Police
Joke thief! After her! (I made that joke up.)---"I quote myself." -Me
Gaussian blur fixes everything!
Physics Police
Dude, it's not that funny.
---
We are all actors in the great play that is life. However, I happen to have a copy of the script.
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
Physics Police
I wasn't stealing it! I was only expounding on it and putting it an understandable format for the other readers.
---
"You do that. Meanwhile, I will go off somewhere and quietly have a breakdown." - My Mom
Everything looks perfect from far away.
Physics Police
If you have to explain it, it is no longer funny.
---
We are all actors in the great play that is life. However, I happen to have a copy of the script.
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
Physics Police
It doesn't matter. She's still stealing it from me. Besides, it's not funny only because of the way she packaged it! See!? That's why we don't steel jokes! *Narrows eyes at Aisling*---"I quote myself." -Me
Gaussian blur fixes everything!
Physics Police
Who was explaining? Things like that need no explaining. And it never matters who says them. They're funny.
---
"You do that. Meanwhile, I will go off somewhere and quietly have a breakdown." - My Mom
Everything looks perfect from far away.
This conversation has been hijacked due to the gap needing fixat
see ^
---
We are all actors in the great play that is life. However, I happen to have a copy of the script.
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
Here, lab mutant lab mutant lab mutant...
Gnome, who are you?---"I quote myself." -Me
Gaussian blur fixes everything!
Here, lab mutant lab mutant lab mutant...
I am no one to be trifled with.
---
I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.
Here, lab mutant lab mutant lab mutant...
The gnome is a Borg experiement gone awry. The plan was to include a race that had a high resistance to alchohol, ale, and fat-free water - that way, they could conquer any race that was relatively primitive and not suffer any form of withdrawals, as Borg do not eat or drink.
Unfortunately, the experiments did not go as had planned - the subject had the strength of the average Borg, with the attitude of an Ork Grot. It also had developed character quirks similar to that of smeagol/gollum, and had a nasty hankering for fried chicken and mashed potatoes. The Borg ship on which she was created could not handle the mass insanity which resulted from the subject, and they all overloaded.
Now, the gnome-thingey of inane doom is here, in our solar system; it's sole purpose is wreak havoc, r0xx0r someone's b0xx0rs, and eat the occasional potatoe farm.
---
We are all actors in the great play that is life. However, I happen to have a copy of the script.
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
Here, lab mutant lab mutant lab mutant...
For this I must risk the light of the sun.
Someone needs to formally slap you!
gnome - creation of Brother's Grimm laboratories.
---
I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.
The Plot Sickens
"The Borg ship on which SHE was created"
Hey, just out of curiosity, how do you know gnome is a she if he/she refuses to divulge his/her identity?
---
beware! apricot camels trod silently in the night!
lab mutants and insanity
Ouch. If the rumours that gnome is resistent to fat-free water, then Canada atleast, is surely doomed.
---
The One Universal Truth---"Everything Looks Better On Fire"---
Dusting Crops Is Better Than Eating Seeds But I Think You Are A Spice Weasel
lab mutants and insanity
Meshugana mortals, the gnome is a complete being requiring no tag of male or female. My identity has been divulged...I am gnome.
Fat-free water? No thanks, I prefer dew, nectar of the gnome and I have no desire to go near Canada (shudder).
---
I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.
Ouch Indeed
"If the rumours that gnome is resistent to fat-free water, then Canada atleast, is surely doomed."
English only, please.
---
Alex Markley=-
-="A warehouse is just like any other house, except it turns EVIL under the light of a full moon."
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
Ouch Indeed and Insanity
Any words that aren't in my sentences that should be are all assumed. You should know that. I am ashamed of you.
---
The One Universal Truth---"Everything Looks Better On Fire"---
Dusting Crops Is Better Than Eating Seeds But I Think You Are A Spice Weasel
Oh, Da Humie,...
"Potato" is spelled--... ... ...hmm... this is a real sweat... ...wait... I think I have it... ..."Potato"? YEEAAAHH!!!!!!!!!! I WIN!!!!!!!!!Ahem. Sorry.---"I quote myself." -Me
Gaussian blur fixes everything!
Unrelated-ness! Whee!!!
Does anyone like my new #2 signature?---"I quote myself." -Me
I do NOT lack self-assuredness! At least, I don't think so...
Gaussian blur fixes everything!
CHANGED IT AGAIN.---1) "I quote myself." -Me
2) I do NOT lack self-assuredness! At least, I don't think so...
Gaussian blur fixes everything!
2005-08-24 - The Jabberwacky
Dude, I think you need a fresh breeze through the windmills of your mind.
---
A stitch in time won't close the hole in the ozone.
Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.
The dutch and insanity
The dutch have windmills. They have those crazy wooden shoes and lots of tulips. MMMMmmmmm... bagles and kethcup....
---
The One Universal Truth---"Everything Looks Better On Fire"---
Dusting Crops Is Better Than Eating Seeds But I Think You Are A Spice Weasel
The dutch and insanity
Cover the wooden shoes in secret sauce and send the tulips to your girlfriend.
Keep that kethcup away from me. I mean it. Don't come any closer...I've got a bagel and I know how to use it.
---
A stitch in time won't close the hole in the ozone.
Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.
But...
The kethcup just wants to be friends...
---
Alex Markley=-
-="A warehouse is just like any other house, except it turns EVIL under the light of a full moon."
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
But...
'kethcup just wants to be friends...'
so did the troll under the bridge, but look what happened to the billy goats...they ended up working for Bunny Frou Frou...
---
A stitch in time won't close the hole in the ozone.
Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.
But...
How bad can working for LBFF be? I mean honestly, one of the biggest companies in the world is helmed by people who throw chairs, cuss out other companies, and even cuss out whole countries.
Methinks LBFF can hardly touch that.
---
Alex Markley=-
-="A warehouse is just like any other house, except it turns EVIL under the light of a full moon."
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
But...
Yes, but I work for MI5... sometimes...
---
I know where the sanity went! "It was eaten by left-handed moths!" Chico Marx
Do you realize that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
But...
ok, everyone of you, back to the communal nut storehouse...everyone comfortable in those folding chairs, nevermind the little metal gizmos attached to the legs, sit back and relax...*ZAP* a little voltage never hurt anyone, some of you may even feel better...
---
A stitch in time won't close the hole in the ozone.
Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.
But... Insanity...
The KGB can be pretty cruel, mAlex
---
The One Universal Truth---"Everything Looks Better On Fire"---
Dusting Crops Is Better Than Eating Seeds But I Think You Are A Spice Weasel
But... Insanity...
Bah. The KGB is simply the Russian IRS. You want terror? Come chat with some of the people in my head.
---
We are all actors in the great play that is life. However, I happen to have a copy of the script.
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
But... Insanity...
Ok, increase voltage on Da-Humie's chair...
gnome laughs at the thought of organized stupidity (KGB, IRS, MI5, CID...) when random stupidity is much more productive
---
A stitch in time won't close the hole in the ozone.
Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.
But... Insanity...
don't increase his voltage, he enjoys it too much...
---
I know where the sanity went! "It was eaten by left-handed moths!" Chico Marx
Do you realize that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
But... Insanity...
i swear i saw this in another thread. Maybe it's just me.
---
The One Universal Truth---"Everything Looks Better On Fire"---
Dusting Crops Is Better Than Eating Seeds But I Think You Are A Spice Weasel